single in soho

London is meant to be the vibrant city of swinging sauce and glamour (or at least brutal punishing of the liver then a snog outside a chip shop). So why is Zoe-Ann the only single person in all of Soho?

Is it just me or am I the only person in Soho not to have a boyfriend / girlfriend / partner / vegetating alien / other half?

As I stood in London outside a packed shop waiting for my very much in love with significant other friends, I realised I was in fact the only single person in the whole of Soho.

I once (pah!) had a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day who sent me a dozen red roses. Instead of being grateful I became embarrassed because all I got him was a card and a packet of Love Hearts. I thought this was a very novel idea and I have since given Love Hearts as a gift. Not just because of affairs of the heart but as a genuine gesture of good will. Now I ask you, what man would not want to date a Love Heart giving gal like me? I bloody would. I’m not being biased, OK – maybe a tad. But I think I’m a good catch. I don’t have scales or five heads… honest.

I’m even tempted by the lonely heart ads. I have found myself glancing over the personals on the Guardian website. I figure that people who read the Guardian are intellectual, creative types with a bit of a quirk going on. They can’t be all bad if they read the Guardian. I read the Guardian, so the other people who read it must be passable too.

OK, so when I said I read the Guardian, it’s pretty much the G2 on a Monday. For the style section mainly, and I think Charlie Brooker is hilarious. But I digress.

People of London: am I the only over 24 year old without a boyfriend? Is anyone else in the same situation as me? Do you frequently get told you can’t go for a binge drinking session with friends as they are busy with boyfriends / wouldn’t like it if their girlfriend knew I was getting off my trolley with them?

And do you find every man you have a decent conversation with always somehow forgets to tell you about their girlfriend until the very end of the night?

At what age is it acceptable to reading lonely heart ads with intent?

Is 24 too young?

After all, there I am, standing on a street, the only single person in all of Soho.