When an Analytical Mind Loves a Creative Mind
When one person thinks with their brain, and the other with their feelings, it’s hard to come together on many things. In the logistics of our relationship, his analytical mind and my creative mind don’t always see eye to eye. At the end of the day, it’s our attitude about our differences that determine whether or not our opposites will be our downfall.
Thinkers and Feelers
He’s a thinker, and I’m a feeler. For this reason, we handle emotional situations very differently. This is not to say creative types can’t think analytically, or that thinkers aren’t creative or have feelings. It’s a difference in response. Thinkers tend to process things based on facts, cause and effect, and logic. Feelers may be more sensitive, concerned with empathy, and interested in intent as well as consequence. When an analytical mind loves a creative mind, it’s all about communication and an understanding about the processes of the other — even if they don’t relate to it.
These differences in personality are things each person in a relationship can get to know and love about the other. However, there are times when thinkers and feelers get into trouble as a result of their response differences. For instance, thinkers may come off as blunt or cold; feelers may come off as dramatic. When these issues happen, it’s important to be understanding and to work to be better in your relationship. Thinkers and feelers may be different, but both have the ability to think about the feelings of the other.
Relationships aren’t all about love, romance, and feelings. Relationships also come with a lot of logistics: bills, obligations, careers, chores, loved ones, and decision making. These are the logistics that can be different for these two personality types. For a lot of creatives, the call to be creative sort of overrides a lot of other necessities. When inspiration strikes, it can be hard to pay attention to those logistics. That’s where the analytical minds come in — to pick up the logistical slack or bring the creatives down from the clouds for a moment. On the other hand, when the analytical types get overwhelmed with the logistics, it can be nice to have a creative mind to lead them into the clouds and let go for a while.
In my relationship, my husband’s analytical mind is there to teach me a lot of the nitty gritty that I didn’t know or think to consider. When we bought our home, I had no idea how to go about doing any of it. Loans, credit checks, inspections, and mortgage payments were things I had little to no experience in. We both had student loan debt, so it took a lot of understanding to see the logistics of buying a home with student loan debt. These situations, though not always easy to maneuver, can be helpful in appreciating the strengths of the other.
Making Big Decisions
Life comes with a lot of decision making, especially in a committed relationship where these big decisions have to be agreed upon by both parties. There are a lot of checks and balances when it comes to these things. Though each person is different, there are definitely certain molds that creative and analytical people seem to fall into. When it comes to big decisions, the differences tend to be finding a middle ground between need and want or necessity and indulgence. These two personality types may not agree on which is which all the time.
Having children is a pretty big decision to make. When my husband and I discussed the right time to have kids, I talked about things like having the emotional capacity to handle having children. My husband discussed things like the cost of raising children and our financial standing. Clearly, our thought processes work differently. However, we both found our own way to the same decision. Though that is not always the case.
The Hard Stuff
I have hundreds of examples of times where my creative mind and my husband’s analytical mind came together on an agreement despite our differences. But I have plenty of examples of times we didn’t as well. Sometimes it’s hard to explain my need to be spontaneous or irresponsible to someone so logical. Sometimes, it’s hard for him to explain to me how anxious he feels when our relationship logistics take a hit in order for me to indulge my creative side. When I’m emotional, he doesn’t always understand how to relate or be there for me. When he’s emotional, he doesn’t always understand why I can’t see it. Whereas everything is sentimental for me, he’s a bit more practical, and that has its challenges.
In truth, the cautious and pragmatic side of an analytical mind can seem like distrust for the creative mind. The emotional and spontaneous side of a creative mind can seem flaky or irresponsible to the analytical mind. These thoughts can bleed into financial disagreements and cause relationship problems. Though my husband and I agree that having our finances separate works for us, this can be a source of contention among some relationships that don’t agree on blending finances or keeping them somewhat separate and what each option means for the trust in their relationship. It’s not only finances that each personality type tends to disagree on; things like social obligations, cleaning responsibilities, and schedule keeping can be a source of disagreements. Clearly, it’s not all roses in a relationship where two minds think so differently.
Do Opposites Attract?
The answer to this question really depends on each couple. In order for opposites to attract, there needs to be transparency, communication, understanding, and sacrifice for both parties. There needs to be a healthy amount of independence so that each personality type can flourish without feeling stifled or stressed by the other. It’s about understanding that you don’t have to love every aspect of your partner’s personality, but you do have to respect the differences. Do opposites attract? Not always. There should be a significant amount of similarities to balance out the differences. My husband and I may not always think the same way, but we agree on a lot of the big things. We enjoy doing a lot of the same things, and the things we don’t enjoy together, we enjoy apart.
I love that my husband is so unlike me in a lot of ways. I love that when I’m lost in emotion, he helps to make my feelings more concrete and easier to deal with. I love when I can pry my husband from the stresses of life and make him feel carefree. When I have a question, he can answer it. When he has a feeling, I can help him express it. For us, our opposites attract most of the time. But it’s work, it’s not easy, and we have to constantly check ourselves to be sure we are being understanding of the other.
My mind astounds my husband. Whenever I write something, or make a piece of art, he looks at it like it’s a masterpiece. My brain thinks with empathy first, transforms pain into art, and is somehow organized in its chaos. When an analytical mind loves a creative mind, they have to appreciate the mess that it can be sometimes. When a creative mind loves an analytical mind, it has to appreciate the structure it provides. It’s not always easy, the logistics can be difficult to navigate, and making decisions may be hard, but you have to appreciate the balance between thinking and feeling. Opposites don’t always attract, but they can if you appreciate the differences.