Reflections On My Path In Theistic Satanism

theistic satanism

My lifetime of spiritual experiences has culminated in theistic Satanism from a feminist perspective, and my motivations for practising theistic Satanism aren’t what you think they are.

Ultimately… experiencing psychosis pushed me towards Satanic spirituality.

People stereotype Satanists as sacrificing animals (mostly cats or humans). The truth is that I love life too much to just kill it off during a ritual. Personally, I celebrate life in general and focus on the moment. Celebrating life is an essential part of my Satanic path. I perceive Christianity as a death cult in how the religion focuses on doing good deeds in order to have it made in the afterlife. I try to do good things because I want to, not because a deity told me to. Satan helps me embrace my individuality.

I spent most of my years as a Pagan, and still identify as Pagan to a certain degree. I’ve consorted with many different gods and goddesses. I had good relationships with many different deities, but ultimately I found a home in Satan’s arms.

How I came to identify with Satan so heavily as to label my entire religious expression with his name is a problematic story.

My fascination with Satan began when I was going through psychosis. Aside from having delusions of being filmed and framed by cops, I began to have delusions that I actually was Satan and embodied Him. I discovered my guardian demon, Satanachia, and immediately identified with this demon in body and soul. I began to think I was an actual demon with demonic powers and did meditations to “activate” my demonic power. I began to see Satan’s energy permeate everything as the father of everything and the true creator of the universe. Eventually, I told my religious parents to call me “Satan” and they admitted me into the psychiatric hospital.

Every day, during that hospital stay, I prayed to Satan to banish my psychotic symptoms. I also asked Him to protect me from the mafia that I thought was controlling the hospital staff and patients. (This is a real delusion I had.) I eventually accepted that I wasn’t the real Satan, but noted that I identified with Satan heavily and had to hide it due to my Christian parents. (This is still true.)

I drew pictures of demons as they appeared in my mind’s eye. I still have the pictures I drew of the demons while in hospital. I channeled Satanachia and asked him to assist me in healing and fulfilling my higher purpose.

Ever since that psychotic break in 2016, I’ve been spiritually communing with Satan. I continued working with Satan after I got out of the hospital and have been worshipping Him since. Since then, I’ve accepted that, in a way, I am Satan, the adversary of oppressive religious structures. However, I know better than to tell that to a bunch of unsuspecting strangers or zealous Christians when discussing my Satanic spirituality.

To be clear: I never want to repeat psychosis ever again. It’s not desirable. Sure, there was a spiritual side to my psychosis, but that didn’t make it rewarding or healthy. Now, I take medication to deal with my mental illness and protect against having a psychotic break.

In Theistic Satanism, I have personal autonomy over my actions. I’m able to research Satan and create my own beliefs – and I like this DIY attitude towards spirituality. Because there’s no set tradition, I’m able to create my own traditions, spells, and beliefs. It’s my choice to stay grounded in the world at all costs.

I have a positive relationship with Satan. Walking with Satan inspires me to be my own goddess and worship myself. Looking after my health is one of the many important and proactive ways in which I worship myself. After all, the self is one of the most important relationships you’ll ever have in your life. Satanism teaches me how to embrace being myself to the fullest. Truthfully, I don’t need the permission of Satan or any other divine being to simply be human and enjoy being myself.

I value my connection with Satan so much, and it’s a defining feature of my spirituality. Satan is the power I look to for enlightenment and empowerment. I wouldn’t trade the relationship I have with Satan for anything else in the world.

I look to Satan for spiritual guidance, occult knowledge, and black magick. (By “black magick”, I mean magick for selfish purposes that “white light” traditions don’t condone such as money spells, love spells, curses, etc.) As the dark lord of the material world, I can honestly say Satan provides for His people. I’ve seen everything from miraculous healing to random money manifestations happen in Satan’s name.

You can do anything with the power of Satan on your side. With that said, I don’t walk the Satanic path for the sake of gaining material riches or worldly power. I hail Satan because I think He deserves to be honoured for all the good He’s brought about in the world. If you want to exploit Satan for money or power without any intent of developing a relationship with him, He will know you’re doing this and you won’t succeed. The Dark Lord existed before time itself. You won’t fool anyone.

Satan is a god of liberty. Satan doesn’t control my actions – He lets me exercise my free will. Satan encourages me to live my best life each day. I revere Satan with all my heart as a choice, not out of a sense of obligation or spiritual bondage. My connection to him is characterized by happiness, fulfillment, and magick.

Satan doesn’t tell me to be kind or considerate to those who won’t appreciate my generosity. Satan encourages me to be kind towards those who deserve it.

I encourage people to reach out to Satan if they need help. I think Satan wants to be a part of your life, but not in a controlling way. Satan values consent and without it, Satan won’t enter your life. Some people are ambivalent about embracing Satan, and that’s okay. My recommendation is this: If you believe in Satan, reach out to Him with a prayer. Prayer is one of the basics of spiritual development and a little bit goes a long way. It can take time to unlearn the negative associations with Him, thanks to living in a society with a Christian bias. Satan is patient and if you’re willing to work with Him, there’s a good chance He’s willing to work with you.

You don’t need to listen to other people’s opinions: you can get to know Satan for yourself. Each new day is a gift with Satan. Satan accepts you for who you are. Those of us in favour of Satan appreciate the spiritual relationship we have with Him.

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